Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Now THAT’S Cool (a collection in progress)

Now THAT’S Cool (a collection in progress)
Current mood: amused
Category: Blogging

Here we have a collection of comments left by myself to various forums but mostly our beloved myspace.

The "Now That's Cool" series of writings was started revolving around a joke I had poking fun at a quote from the Bottoms Up Blues Gang of St. Louis fame. I had received a promo card which I regretfully no longer own (so I can't unfortunately post the exact quote) at blues festival in davenport promoting a sort of myspace for the blues type thing which also I regretfully cannot remember the name of we'll call them blues space...One of the quotes read something like this, and again I'm paraphrasing from memory, also this quote should be read aloud using the voice of Parker Posey's character from the film "House of Yes":

"We're on the road a lot, so some times it's really hard to update our calendar, with "bluesspace" we can update our profile and our website at the same time. Now that's Cool!" I latched on to this pretty heavily for a a few days and began perfecting it's rhythm and over all delivery yet using it to sarcastically praise almost anything. For example I would say: "I'm really busy all the when I get a Cracker Barrel breakfast and can get a home cooked meal on the run...Now That's cool!" that wasn't a very good one but any way some were great and some of the literary examples have been included here for your amusement...Additionally if any one reading has received or knows of any of these examples it would be great if you could repost them to this blog...Also if anyone knows the name of the website I'm calling blues Space or actually still has the original post card I will make it worth your while if you could snail mail it to me...

As jokes tend to do among friends this one began to mutate rapidly into unrecognizable absurdity from an outside perspective...The more it grew/deteriorated the better I liked it and the more annoyed those around me got..It got so bad at one point where I recall nearly a week or more passing where I used the "Parker Posey Voice" and the phrase "Now that's cool" to every single person I talked to for the entire duration and in many cases the entire conversation, Brady, our booking agency, the band and record label included.

The best part of the story and the real fun comes when I arrive in St. Louis and meet our old friends and would be inspiration for "Now THAT'S Cool": The Bottoms Up Blues Gang. I approached each member of the band without even a hello or hand shake (of course not telling them about the promo card/knowledge of the quote) speaking in the voice of Parker Posey:

"Hey Guys! Did you notice the club has two Fender Bassmans on stage just like ours, were both on the road a lot and hauling equipment around can be when a club provides backline... Now THAT'S cool!" or:

"Hey I saw you guys were playing in Seattle next week when were gonna be there too...We don't get to see each other a lot cause were both on the road a lot you imagine us both seeing each other in Seattle where neither one of us is that often...Now That's cool!"

I pushed this further and further until the gang realized I was mocking their quote from the "Blues space" promo cards...We all had a great laugh and The Bottoms Up Gang said they never actually even said the quote! The great thing is the quote did sound like an infomercial and that's what made me latch onto it...The gang told me they just said "write anything and use our name" and that's what happened and started all of this...Now THAT's Cool!

Important Note: The following excerpts do not all contain the actual phrase: "Now THAT's cool" but do contain the sarcastic overtones and general spirit of the phrase...However not all the entries here need to be read aloud using the Parker Posey voice. I apologize for the redundancy of terms like or involving the following words/ideas: Ferret, Ninja, Karate, B movies or old 80's movies, cuss words and other reoccurring themes. ENJOY!

Via Myspace in a comment to the band the Insomniacs in response to their comment of "Happy Holidays":

if you guys ever got in a fight...You could yell right before you executed a sharp blow to your opponents mid section:...INSOMNATTACK!....Or even better, if little Charlie and the night cats ever got into a fight with you guys...They could yell:....Little Charlie and the Night CATTACK!!!or maybe just Cattack for short of course while delivering a fierce inside Round house kick to the chin....I'm not really all that sure how you like theses "Attack" scenarios but my point is it's very important to have an acceptable "KI-I" in an fight. If you'll remember back to the Karate Kid part three, Daniel (Played by Ralph Machio) was in the midst of a naive seduction by the leader of Cobrah KI and was instructed to punch this hard wood kun fu dummy or a board or something bare fisted...While doing so he injured his hand repetivly until the point of blood letting...After one such punch Daniel exclaimed: "OW!" Upon which time Cobrah Ki Sensei responded by informing Daniel that : " 'ow' is not and acceptable KI-I in this dojo!".... I know were not really in a Dojo right now or your probably not even wearing your Gi right now (I happen to be wearing mine) but really isn't the whole world just God's big Dojo? So in closing I would like to add that I am aware that the Sensei from Cobra Kai was a "bad guy" but I also think "Ow" is not an acceptable Ki-I and it's important to look at the message rather than the messenger. Now That's cool!

Via Myspace to "Pocket Full of Soul" The harmonica documentary in progress:

Pocket full of soul is a great movie that can fight a platypus in a stream in Australia or an aquarium somewhere else where platypuses aren't indigenous that I mean it is unique and not an in the average phylum of documentaries and it could fight other things like that too...I just used the platypus as a metaphor..I usually say ferret or ninja but those things are becoming played out now unlike documentaries about harmonica I think.
Love you bye bye.

Via Myspace to "Pocket Full of Soul" The harmonica documentary in progress:


Have you guys ever heard that mongooses can kill cobhras??? In an earlier comment, I was talking about Platypuses fighting things... but that's not something you hear about that often, not that it's not cool, But when a mongoose fights a cobrah...Now That's Cool!!! My point is: Now that Pocket Full of Soul is becoming way more popular, I think you could easily be moved into the Mongoose fighting cobrah category...I didn't know how to spell cobrah I tried it like nine different ways too...that sucks next time I write I will spell every species of snake correctly.

Via Myspace to "Pocket Full of Soul" The harmonica documentary in progress:

That last guy said.."Finally harp players get the recognition we deserve" If I got what I deserved I'd be in big trouble! Is that what your doing with this thing???Giving people what they deserve! holy crap that's serious shit ! you could make a whole other documentary just on the making of giving harp players what they some guys would get money, others would get in trouble with their husbands and wives and I would be in Prison probably with lots of cool animals though...I think I would deserve one good thing though like animals...I hope....Maybe I would just get punched in the mouth by a gorilla...We could call that movie "Gorillas and their Fists"... Now Thats Cool!

Via Myspace to Dennis Gruenling in response to a response he had left me after I spammed some people about our new record after criticizing him for writing "Keep Swinging all the time on peoples comments:

I knew I had that coming....Damn...but at least mine had something about slightly odd or fringe animals like ferrets instead of that ole' Keep Swinging jive... Still I so deserved could of giving me a big Take that! ON THAT ONE. I would like to take this time now to quote Bridgette Neilson from the movie Rocky 5 right now from the scene where she defended Ivan Drago as played by Dolph Lundgren at the press conference preceding the big boxing match where she said:" You Americans think we are so very, very bad and you are so very, very good" Well now I would like to Para phrase Bridgette's impassioned performance by saying to you Sir: "I AM SO VERY, VERY BAD AND YOU ARE SO VERY VERY GOOD".

Via Myspave to Shawn Kellerman concerning the firing of two drummers in the same week from some fairly high profile national blues acts and comment made by a third semi0unrelated drummer on the subject involving retribution against one of the band members in the form of a punch to the mouth.:

FUCKIN" KILLER-MAN You Fuckin' Rule...good thing were not in a fight and you were having to tell me things about punching me in the mouth like that drummer from that one band and that singer guitar guy who's name rhymes with Canthropy Jones....My new bands gonna be called lycanthropy Jones...that's it...Now Thats Cool!

Also via Myspave to Shawn Kellerman concerning the firing of two drummers in the same week from some fairly high profile national blues acts and comment made by a third semi0unrelated drummer on the subject involving retribution against one of the band members in the form of a punch to the mouth.:

All right...alright...I will accept a punch in the mouth...I truly did not know how bad that amp was...I will admit since I sold it though a cat scan has indicated that the Cancer in my brain has miraculously disappeared! I should have know then...hey I got it...Some one who's name rhymes with Bannana Mockachip has been looking for a a drummer...

A Note to Shawn Kellerman via Myspace:

Fuckin you should call yourself like Sawn KILLAH-MAN or something and Like do that Cypress hill song..except rap . " Here is something you can't understand...HOW I CAN JUST Shawn KILLAH-MAN" Or something fuckin wicked awse like that. Know what I mean?

From the liner notes of our new CD Rocket Number Nine concerning the track "The Blow Zone Layer":

07. "The Blow Zone Layer"(Mongoose Nuts Not Possum Pussy)

"Hopefully Mike Nazarenko will be using this title for the name of his killer new album, I almost called this record "Blow Zone Layer" but I didn't, and no one took the suggestion seriously anyway, so I hope the great Naz uses it. This instrumental was originally titled "Dat There" until John Porter hipped us that Cannonball already had a tune titled that. Additionally, the great C.A. had another follow up tune called "This Here" so obviously he deserves to have that title all to himself. Then I wanted to call it "Master Blaster" but found out Stevie Wonder had that one too! So I named it "Mongoose Nuts" out of spite, knowing no one had a tune called "Mongoose Nuts", then Shawn said to call it "Possum Pussy" for a few days it was called "Mongoose Nuts, Not Possum Pussy" until I thought of "The Blow Zone Layer" so that all the Dj's wouldn't be afraid to play it on the radio. People need to grow Mongoose Nuts not Possum Pussy in order to enter the Blow Zone Layer. Wouldn't it have been funny if in the movie "Breakin'" some one had insulted the character Ozone by calling him "Blow Zone."? If Johnny from the "Karate Kid" had been in the movie "Breakin'" he would have definitely called Ozone "Blow Zone" just before he beat him up, and Ozone used to dance instead of fight and didn't know Mr. Miyagi at all so he would have got his ass kicked by Cobra Ki Karate and called "Blow Zone." Now that's cool!"

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